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The Stress and Reward of Being a Caregiver

Studies are conflicted, finding that caregiving can harm or help the caregiver. Here's one on the plus side. A study finds that people who care for a family member live longer than similar people who aren't caregiving.

 

Being the primary caregiver for a family member can be a stressful. But a recent study indicates that the stereotype of the stressed-out family caregiver at the end of their rope may not represent the typical experience. As reported by Alabama Public Radio, only “17 percent of the people surveyed said they had high levels of caregiving strain, and the majority put in fewer than 14 hours of care a week.”

 

Perhaps even more surprising is the fact that the family caregivers which were part of the study by the Center on Aging and Health at Johns Hopkins University statistically less likely to die over the course of six years when compared to non-caregivers. 

 

The article notes that while caregiving can be very stressful, it doesn’t have to be the case.  In our experience, talking with your family openly about the possible need for future care—and having a written plan in place for that care—can alleviate many of the stresses caregivers face.

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Tough Decisions . . . Taking Over a Parent’s Finances

There are many warning signs that it might be time to step in with parents' finances: dad can’t remember where he banks, or he struggles to do simple math calculations. According to the NEFE, 47% of seniors have trouble managing their bills.

 

A recent piece on the FoxBusiness website addresses a common issue for Elder Law attorneys in an article entitled Taking Away Dad’s Checking Account. 

This is one of the toughest decisions and conversations that a grown child can have with their parent.  It’s the moment when there can be no beating around the bush—there is nothing left to do but to talk with Mom or Dad about the fact that they shouldn’t be handling their finances any more.

We find that the number one issue for most of our elderly clients is the desire to remain in control of their own affairs as long as possible. Sometimes, this desire to remain in control causes people to put off planning.  They feel as though ignoring the problem will mean that they’ll never have to address it. 

But as pointed out in the FoxBusiness article, ignoring the possibility that you or a loved one may need help with their finances is the worst thing you can do. Unfortunately, this is the case for many families, and a survey cited in the article notes that 70% of those surveys responded that there were “‘major barriers’ preventing families from discussing the issue.”

A simple planning document like a durable power of attorney can avoid costly court actions when an elderly loved one loses the ability to handle their own finances.  Without a plan in place, it may be necessary to file a guardianship and/or a conservatorship action in probate court, a process that is both expensive and time consuming.

In addition, in Alabama a durable power of attorney can nominate the person that you would wish to serve as guardian or conservator in the event that your power of attorney or other estate planning documents fall short.  This means that even if the probate court has to get involved for some reason, you know that a person of your own choosing will be handling your affairs.  

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"When they are having trouble understanding bills and writing checks it might be time to step in, slowly, at the ground level," Kolinsky said adding that if parents initiate a discussion, the ideal time would be when they are in their 70’s and still healthy.

As children, we depend on our parents for all our financial needs.  And many young adults (and grown ones too) still seek financial help or advice from mom and dad. But as with many things in life, the roles may be reversed as one’s parents become older. 

The key to an effective transition, while preserving the dignity of all involved, is communication.

A recent article in CNBC recently offered advice to adult children and their elderly parents. The article titled “When Adult Children Become Financial Caregivers” suggested six steps.

While you can read the original article for the detail, the steps are as follows:

1. Knowing the Right Time to Talk
2. Framing a Sensitive Subject
3. Building Trust
4. Sibling Responsibilities
5. Maximizing Efficiency
6. Maximizing Inherited IRA

The basic principle to bear in mind is that both the elderly parents and the adult children have to assume and understand their roles. This is key for a family transition to move gracefully. This means communication, not only between parents and adult children, but likewise between adult children working together on behalf of the family as a whole.

 

Reference: CNBC (June 3, 2013) “When Adult Children Become Financial Caregivers”

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